Living in the ShadowsLiving in the Shadowsto Protect My Family

I came to the conclusion that I was gay at 13 years old, and because I grew up in a society where being different is not welcomed, I was thrown into a crisis since childhood. My identity was my worst enemy. My daydreams of intimate relationships with men were my only escape in a society that compelled me to satisfy its ways and prove myself to it. Despite my parents being relatively open, they still largely identify with the society’s ideals, causing me to live in constant fear of them discovering my sexual orientation, which is typically blamed as the cause for the “downfall of our society.” Living in the shadow lasted until I was 21, and when I came out as a queer man, I began reflecting on things differently. My viewpoint of the world changed once I started prioritizing myself and my well-being, rather than sacrificing that daily for the sake of others. That year drastically changed me for the better, and the joy and liberation I felt have manifested positively in my life and my actions towards others.

Not only are my rights not acknowledged (which I am not here to discuss), but my mere existence is up to debate when it should not be. I exist. Syrian queers exist. We exist amongst you, usually in fear. Why do we have to keep presenting ourselves as something we are not? Why should we only be accepted as citizens when we compromise who we are daily for your satisfaction? We are tired of the guilt and the demonization. My existence is not a threat to your stability.