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Honor and Virginity: Honor and Virginity: The Myths of the Hymen

Let's debunk myths and end the fear once and for all, a woman's dignity is her honesty, and there's no evidence to prove virginity, just like there isn't for the other gender (men). Here are four shocking things I heard and experienced as a Syrian woman: The 1st shock: Once, an anxious girl asked me how she could make sure she's still a "virgin". She was studying in another city and sharing a dorm room with other girls. She'd never had any sexual experiences, but she would have strange thoughts that her roommates sedated her and tore her hymen. The 2nd shock: I met a guy about a year ago, who claims that he's very open-minded and has attended several sexual education courses, so according to him, he's very aware of sexual health. Turns out he believes premarital screenings can determine a woman's virginity (a total myth). The 3rd shock: I came across a girl's post in a private- only women- Facebook group. She was freaking out because while walking on a street she had to jump over a hole in the ground. When she got home, she saw a couple drops of blood and wondered: "Am I bleeding because my hymen tore? Does that mean l am not a virgin anymore? Please, reassure me!" The 4th shock: In one of the gender-based violence workshops I used to run, I was shocked when a young man simply intervened with: "A woman who was raped is no longer suitable for marriage. She's not a virgin anymore." To my surprise, the majority of the group agreed with him.

Throughout my teenage years, I’ve heard a myriad of negative sayings related to female virginity, such as: “girls should save themselves; she’s not a girl anymore (accompanied with a degrading look); she brought shame upon her family; she’s not a virgin anymore; she’s “open”, etc. Not to mention TV shows and movies that contain huge amounts of physical and verbal violence towards girls who choose to have premarital sex, or girls who didn’t bleed during their first intercourse on their wedding night, or even girls who were brutally raped. This would lead to searches for a doctor so they may surgically “regain” their virginity (hymenoplasty) and other forms of cover-up. After all that trouble, those women are still stuck within a social stigma that can, unfortunately, lead to their death under the misleading term of “honor killings”.

It is widely discouraged for girls to do heavy sports, ride bikes, mount horses and, of course, masturbate, all of which can cause the hymen to stretch or even break during these activities. Girls are supposed to always be careful or they’ll be forsaken- oh God!. What confuses me is how during puberty, teens are separated by sex at schools and even in their social lives in general, with the phrase “stay away from boys” always on repeat. I’ve met girls filled with terror and doubt about themselves despite them never having sex. They’re afraid of discovering their reproductive organs regardless of the fact that it’s their own body, repeating over and over “It’s shameful”.

The hymen is a thin layer of membrane found near the opening of the vagina. It consists of elastic tissue and is mostly annular or crescent shaped. In rare cases, it can change shape as women age. Experts are still undecided on its purpose, if there even is one. Regardless of all scientific studies and research done, the idea of the hymen’s connection to a girl’s virginity has been around for thousands of years, especially amongst male-dominated, patriarchal societies and is even considered a taboo discussion, even when it’s not based on any substantial biological or scientific evidence, but rather on social beliefs that were passed down generationally. Strangely, most medical specialists and statutory bodies still stand by these harmful ideas.

The hymen is anatomically found in the female body, but it’s not an indication of virginity. It can take various shapes and types. Sometimes, girls can be born without one (it’s normal). Sometimes, they don’t even bleed during the first time having sexual intercourse (it’s also totally normal). What isn’t normal is any kind of pain, which means you should immediately seek medical help. Hymens can also be thick to the point of being impenetrable during intercourse. It could also be completely shut and won’t allow period blood to flow. In such cases, immediate medical assistance is required for maintaining health and safety.

Bleeding during intercourse is not “floods”, contrary to common belief. It happens due to tears in blood vessels in the external wall of the vagina, vaginal spasms, lack of lubricating secretions, nervousness, or because of the aggressive approach partners may take due to common beliefs that a man has to prove his virility and masculinity to his community and, as a result, acts like a wild beast tearing his prey apart.

Furthermore, women in various countries have to go through humiliating examinations to prove their virginity, causing much physical and mental trauma due to this invasion of privacy! Virginity testing is still being performed to this day, despite it being banned by the World Health Organization in 2018, as it’s considered a violation of human rights

The reasoning that this myth still continues and thrives is the notorious degree of control made over women’s bodies and thereby limiting their freedom and sexual behaviors, which makes it harder to access safe sexual experiences and deprives them of their right to discover their sexual identity. If a woman dares to say “no” and attempts to have freedom over her own body, she’s treated like an object and gets rejected because she’s been “used before”!, not to mention the terror girls and their families carry their whole lives. This is what caused the birth of the traditional saying that literally means (a daughter’s honor is a worry carried till death). In consequence, women are forced to make it their purpose to prove their honor to their societies from the day they hit puberty.